Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
