Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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