I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize