mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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