How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize