look no pants
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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