The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
