I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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