i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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