My cat gives me a boner
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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