i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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