Sponge bath it is.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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