Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
