please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
how drunk are you?
Several
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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