i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
