I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
