I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
