Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
