My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
