Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
