I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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