Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Princesses don't give blow jobs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
