my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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