Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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