Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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