Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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