I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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