So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize