So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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