White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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