i just wanna soil my oats bro
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
