dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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