So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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