I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize