He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
