It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
