New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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