he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
