I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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