I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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