all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize