i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
