i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
