1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
