Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
