she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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