I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
