Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
