you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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