Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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