haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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