If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
