my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize