3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
