He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
