like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize