Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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