so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
