new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
