no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
