May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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