I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
