I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize