I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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