Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
