You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
