I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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