i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
