drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
